by P.J.

SMACK! The familiar feel of Perry’s left hand, and the accompanying “You’re too fucking old bitch!” echoed inside of her. It sat there and replayed itself, even though she was somewhere else.

For the last hour, she had been staring at that mirror, following the full length crack. Back and forth, forth and back. She was trying to find the once beautiful little girl that she knew was still inside. It was a game she played whenever thoughts of running away surfaced. These thoughts circled everyday now. It was just a game.

There wasn’t a shade of red that could mask the blue in her lips. Her eyes hung lower than normal that day. Her hand couldn’t stay steady enough to paint her eyes. Her best outfit, not washed in a month. She was sick of being ugly, sick of the lingering smell that turned her thirsty, sick of being sick.

Her eyes in real life couldn’t stay focused on her eyes in the mirror. They once were green, but nobody noticed anymore. They only wanted one thing, then they threw her away. “Get the Fuck out of here” was goodbye. It was over, and she lost.

Wobbling and naked, she counted her ribs and thought of Adam. She prayed to God, even though he hadn’t taken the time to answer her lately. At sixteen, she sold her soul to Perry. He was her Providence and her provider. He kept her warm and fed her habit. He was the way.

“…..But Perry, I could do it, I could fucking do it man! Just one more fucking chance. C’mon? huh? Whatta ya say? Perry? C’mon Perry, just like old times, yeah?……”

SMACK!, is how her God responded. SMACK!, was all she got that day. “You’re too fucking old bitch!” She continued to beg, but he was losing patience. Commandment one, was never piss off Perry.

“If I fucking give you some shit, will you smoke it, and fucking leave me alone? You’re messing with business, scaring away people and shit with your ugly ass. No fucking way I’d set you up. Here”

He tossed a bag on the ground and groped her saggy ass when she bent over. She didn’t argue. She wanted to make money, but what she wanted more was to be pretty again, and Perry just gave her that.

She was used to the burn, used to the smell, and used to the feel. It sent her back to sixteen, before life turned into life. It was her vacation, her only hope, and her demise. If Perry had become her God, it was her Holy Spirit. A wrapped up in a little baggie, and mixed with rat poison, Holy Spirit.

The smashed radio still worked. She danced with herself, and for herself. Vacation. Five years ago, there would be three dicks dancing with her. Respectful dicks, comfortable dicks, paying dicks. Dicks she liked. She was good to them. She was Sapphire or Ruby, even Emerald a few times, but always a gem. She longed for just once to be sucking dick as Jennifer, but Perry didn’t like Jennifer. Perry liked to call her Bitch.

Bitch looked back into the mirror, past the crack, and saw that beautiful little girl crying. She was there all along, and saw it all. Little Jennifer, holding an armful of wasted years and years of dreams. Little Jennifer dropped the dreams and ran away, just as Bitch did years ago.

“…I don’t fucking need you, I’m… I’m…. I’m…. Me. Perry’s gonna fix it. A fix, yeah. Perry’ll put me back to work, and on the street. I don’t fucking need shit from you!…”

He swung the door open and waved the smoke away with his gun. She sprang to her feet and wiped her eyes. “Oh no! No, fucking, no, T, no, not me..” She knew why he was there. T only came around for one thing. She ran to the window, but it was locked. T walked over laughing, and sat down on the bed. “Jen, this is it. You know I gotta do this, and you know you won’t get away, say goodbye”

She looked into the mirror with her green eyes wide and noticeable. She parted her full red lips and begged “Forgive Me”. As T fired one clean and direct shot through his silencer, a confident aging man approached Perry three stories below. “I’m looking for Sapphire.” Perry just shook his head. “She’s retired, how ‘bout a Daisy”

Filed under: Fiction by PJ